Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
