Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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