Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
