I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
