I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's shark week go big or go home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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