Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We need to get me chipped asap
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
