Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
