he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And then he peed in my hair
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