i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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