Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
