i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
