Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
