I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
