She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
