Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
