I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
