you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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