Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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