My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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