im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
