maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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