I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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