I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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