You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
