I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
we're so committed to being not committed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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