He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
