I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
