I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
