It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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