I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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