I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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