3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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