So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
