He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
