Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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