So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
