Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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