i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
