He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
