My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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