Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
