Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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