Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
