i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
