Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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