Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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