i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
