We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
