I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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