If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
