Little spoons don't ask big questions
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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