ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
