Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
