weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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