i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
