Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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