Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
operation harelip BJ is a go
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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