Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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