Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
