I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
