I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its not stalking. its research.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
