turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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