I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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