i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
