Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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